tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18306088601100094932024-03-05T07:56:46.606-08:00Danger WODThis is the Danger WOD, if you actually do any of these workouts you are an idiot. Performing Danger WODs will result in injury, prison time and death. This shit is intense.Unknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger18125truetag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1830608860110009493.post-25297909531644995972011-05-16T17:27:00.000-07:002011-05-16T17:27:29.248-07:00The Danger Diet<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><b>The Danger Diet</b></span><br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjr6GW8DtTrf2CsNol_kF9GfmaVp08DxfL9y3U_5BGGrgRbsLdcg-pKsbBLfQ6Mdz_-ybkd0lyQd_0AZD8QUWxBkxBMPgbKzxPvn096XP9D3JGxcETJGq6J8lTf8oDUD8NB8Sp8XwMWS0zF/s1600/mre09.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjr6GW8DtTrf2CsNol_kF9GfmaVp08DxfL9y3U_5BGGrgRbsLdcg-pKsbBLfQ6Mdz_-ybkd0lyQd_0AZD8QUWxBkxBMPgbKzxPvn096XP9D3JGxcETJGq6J8lTf8oDUD8NB8Sp8XwMWS0zF/s320/mre09.jpg" width="320" /></a>Diet, nutrition and supplements are a cornerstone of any training regimen. Powerlifters benefit from a diet that includes pretty much everything and supplements typically seen at a Mexican horse racing stable. The GPP crowd seems to fluctuate between something called a “zone” and arguing about what monkeys ate in the time before Mark Wahlberg crashed his space ship into the statue of liberty. My personal favorite is the German prostitute diet, which consists almost entirely of fecal matter and semen supplemented with MDMA and Rammstein. While all these diets vary significantly, they do have a common theme; each diet is purposeful. The powerlifter needs calories to fuel maximal strength, the GPP guy needs a subsistence diet to look ripped with his shirt off and Germans are fucking crazy. This brings us to the Danger Diet; what should you eat in order to thrive in a danger environment?<br />
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What do we know about danger? It’s unpredictable. Danger training is as much about survival as anything else. With Danger training, our motto is “That which does not kill me might kill the other guy in which case I win”. Therefore, the ultimate goal of the Danger Diet is to be able to survive off any food source, become as resistant as possible to all known poisons and recreational drugs and to make our bodies as strong and damage resistant as possible.<br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><b>Food:</b></span><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiaCpIGs-DGOfmA5gtsNQvtfuDz30Amv7r2Vj0vONm0ptvZdS20cGYU2xxFB0AtWGx0tzKrbIf-vnq0hs7FK9ibWllXEq6WyTyR7kO1AhC0j2l4wYO7SFt079FXFy-ZC-X3iMMH9Qa-YJ5N/s1600/cannibalm1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="217" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiaCpIGs-DGOfmA5gtsNQvtfuDz30Amv7r2Vj0vONm0ptvZdS20cGYU2xxFB0AtWGx0tzKrbIf-vnq0hs7FK9ibWllXEq6WyTyR7kO1AhC0j2l4wYO7SFt079FXFy-ZC-X3iMMH9Qa-YJ5N/s320/cannibalm1.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>Depending on how committed you are to making bad decisions and/or the general state of the world these days, you may find yourself from time to time in situations where Whole Foods Markets are not available. So ask yourself this, what’s going to happen a week into the zombie apocalypse when you run out of grass fed sheep balls and Uncle Robb’s gluten free toast points? I’ll tell you what, you’re going to scrounge up an MRE from the army surplus store and five minutes later your stomach spasms uncontrollably. Eight hours later you will be eaten alive by zombies as you sit on the toilette futilely attempting to evacuate your bowels. To master the Danger Diet you must seek out the foods that irritate your gut the most. Try to focus on eating items likely to survive most environmental and/or manmade disasters, those found in long-term storage. We’re talking MREs, canned goods, Twinkies and those weird apples from Costco. Get used to eating slightly rotten foods. Refrigeration is a luxury don’t count on it! Finally, become adept at eating your own kills or scavenged foods. This includes the flesh of humans. Humans are excellent survivors and sources of protein so figure out which parts are edible and which will make you go insane.<br />
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Poison & Drugs:<br />
Not every hazardous substance we put into our bodies is food. To be truly prepared you should build up resistance to all known poisons and drugs. Hollywood has given us countless examples of how drug/poison resistance can be used to your advantage. The most classic example is of course from the movie “Princess Bride” where the masked guy feeds wine laced with poison to himself and a midget. Remember, when building up a resistance to something, start small and work your way up to higher doses.<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.youtube.com/embed/f6wqKb8EUxI?feature=player_embedded' frameborder='0'></iframe></div>Supplements:<br />
Being super strong is a definite advantage when it comes to dangerous situations and playing by the rules is for suckers. If a substance has been banned by a sporting body of any kind because it has been proven to enhance performance then you should definitely take it if you want your performance enhanced. The short list here would of course be steroids (anabolic, not cortico), HGH, EPO, amphetamines, myostatin blockers, cybernetic enhancements, PCP and gene doping. I do urge you to use caution however as some banned supplements don’t actually improve performance much and therefore are a waste of time and money.<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjILdxtIXUZu2I1aa0KGAoN9h5CpQOG0HjE5ibl04VFEMgmnbOZLBtCRi_cbd8lZRTe2VbvKc6BaHjHQnJKToN2HCdDX7x7eHASv8r8YnzoO8t0enkSE3TraaTlBp7kbdDu3xnTnlgEnKqa/s1600/alg_steroids.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="262" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjILdxtIXUZu2I1aa0KGAoN9h5CpQOG0HjE5ibl04VFEMgmnbOZLBtCRi_cbd8lZRTe2VbvKc6BaHjHQnJKToN2HCdDX7x7eHASv8r8YnzoO8t0enkSE3TraaTlBp7kbdDu3xnTnlgEnKqa/s400/alg_steroids.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br />
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</div></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1830608860110009493.post-41472603932281934292011-03-07T14:08:00.000-08:002011-03-07T14:08:02.560-08:00Winning?<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgMNbBO7e6FG8JwbooPokza3ndGV3Ha8q9gwPLJDgqrG8-zhZ7aFN39dX-ds_lz3MOHzbDsIuZI1k3aUmdkKYW54LYItMw23QkLKmmSKMWYC5W5yKQvhCHtTwEq9gTScpTGQFWF7ZcRf8-s/s1600/charlie-sheen-mugshot.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgMNbBO7e6FG8JwbooPokza3ndGV3Ha8q9gwPLJDgqrG8-zhZ7aFN39dX-ds_lz3MOHzbDsIuZI1k3aUmdkKYW54LYItMw23QkLKmmSKMWYC5W5yKQvhCHtTwEq9gTScpTGQFWF7ZcRf8-s/s320/charlie-sheen-mugshot.jpg" width="254" /></a></div><b>Charlie Sheen. Yeah, you knew this was coming.</b><br />
Charlie lives a life of Danger, that much is obvious. What we can learn from Charlie is debatable, with a natural talent like his there isn't always a transfer to your average person. Think of this like emulating the training style of Yao Ming to be a great basketball player. You go around, eat chinese food every day and practice basketball. After a month you're no better at basketball but you're a little chubby and you're probably still hungry. What went wrong? You did the same thing Yao does. Guess what, Yao is 2' taller than you retard! It doesn't matter what he does, he has good basketball genetics. Charlie, has good Danger genetics. Copying Charlie probably won't pay off for the layperson and in any case, while Charlie is a master of raw Danger, he is not great at utilizing the Danger Training Response. I mean look at the guy, the dude's a skinny little tweaker. If he wasn't a millionaire his "tigerblood" would have be infected with a nasty strain of AIDS from all the "Adonis DNA" he would be receiving every time he needed $5 for another crack rock.<br />
What can we learn from Charlie? Mostly that domestic violence is very difficult to prosecute and Danger without the Training just makes you a crackhead. Also, hookers are fun but can never be trusted.<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjnrpDRRjzFedwe6Tw7CsGnkKvcEb6nGlpr-foTvR2SRYqKCxQjOTxreKctR45jUDFfos0mG2ugPs8-Pldla8dQt4ajGMKrdFZUN-en58O8hnbt1Ez5UV7ASQ5ECGCtexZCWzklWI1fHtN1/s1600/danny_bonaduce_shea_roggio.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjnrpDRRjzFedwe6Tw7CsGnkKvcEb6nGlpr-foTvR2SRYqKCxQjOTxreKctR45jUDFfos0mG2ugPs8-Pldla8dQt4ajGMKrdFZUN-en58O8hnbt1Ez5UV7ASQ5ECGCtexZCWzklWI1fHtN1/s320/danny_bonaduce_shea_roggio.jpg" width="226" /></a></div>I urge you to look at another celebrity as a much better example of Danger Training. Danny Bonaduce. Danny is like Charlie but way better. He is super fucking crazy and not just with crack and strippers (crack and strippers are just an indigo stripe in Danny's Danger Rainbow). Danny gets after it, throwing his body in harm's way constantly, using powerful training supplements like steroids, HGH and rubbing alcohol... simultaneously, fighting people for money and he is a master of drunken parkour.<br />
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<b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red;">Danger WOD:</span></b> Inject yourself with 1 liter of actual tiger blood. That's it. Figuring out how to get the tiger blood is up to you.</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1830608860110009493.post-33639438882293950932011-02-23T12:48:00.000-08:002011-02-23T12:48:21.016-08:00Stay Frosty<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg8KfOgoWNDS_GOf5jg3MsJw4Eoed4NnjDHJGLRb6Iuni2UtqI8z63xam5Q8tYxeVdTXuNNSoOiRMwH-SaF31FxpQztE32mPdjy1nDBsd0mSXu32cFi9qbJL2AscEPkptEsuWUJCkEvBo_n/s1600/steve-bartman-chicago-cubs-e1287252772947.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="186" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg8KfOgoWNDS_GOf5jg3MsJw4Eoed4NnjDHJGLRb6Iuni2UtqI8z63xam5Q8tYxeVdTXuNNSoOiRMwH-SaF31FxpQztE32mPdjy1nDBsd0mSXu32cFi9qbJL2AscEPkptEsuWUJCkEvBo_n/s320/steve-bartman-chicago-cubs-e1287252772947.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br />
I'm pretty sure every one of you has seen the movie Fight Club (just like I'm also sure none of you have read the book you bunch of illiterate mongoloids). So, I'm also sure you remember the scene where Tyler Durden instructs his disciples to provocate a stranger into fighting. That's great but for a good Danger WOD we need to be more than just huge dicks to people (to be clear, being a huge dick is important too). We need to find a way to make people fight us but also harness the elusive danger edge that makes danger training so effective. <br />
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Danger WOD: Provoke a large number of people you have never met to wish grave harm upon you.<br />
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Step 1: Have business cards made with a recent photo of you, your home and work address. <br />
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Step 2: Visit all areas of your city and wreak havoc. I know you're thinking, "Hey, I'll just go to the ghetto, smash in some gang members' cars and leave my card." Wrong. If you do that, yes, someone you've never met will probably try to hunt you down and kill you but, you will have a pretty good idea of what that person looks like. On the other hand, if you offend everyone equally, you will be constantly on guard. Be sure to fuck with men, women, rich, poor children and the elderly, regularly write letters to prisoners and foreigners taunting them. Attack this thing from all angles. Pull a <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Steve_Bartman_incident">Steve Bartman</a> if possible.<br />
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Step 3: Trust no one.<br />
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Finally, the Danger Ops Team will receive a notification Email this week. <br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.youtube.com/embed/Blki-DISUis?feature=player_embedded' frameborder='0'></iframe></div><br />
</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1830608860110009493.post-28659664290815337052011-02-10T16:05:00.000-08:002011-02-10T16:05:41.239-08:00So Cal Four Loko<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi892wasp3ORmxAj2zTRDNt2cBs0cM75g0i26aX0TDMFQaCabhLhSpN548azp_xMjDGcb641crRsIacU_-Uq2U7wB3o_m3OF7wUiWNQrJTymmJN7jXP1F6ohSVUD3cVMZqJlHzILqom38vw/s1600/CIMG0022.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi892wasp3ORmxAj2zTRDNt2cBs0cM75g0i26aX0TDMFQaCabhLhSpN548azp_xMjDGcb641crRsIacU_-Uq2U7wB3o_m3OF7wUiWNQrJTymmJN7jXP1F6ohSVUD3cVMZqJlHzILqom38vw/s320/CIMG0022.jpg" width="240" /></a></div><br />
We've all heard of the Nor Cal margarita, Robb Wolf's "Paleo"-ish margarita guaranteed to get you drunk and not too fat. Not bad Robb, pat yourself on the back but in Danger Town we need to up the ante a bit. The science has discovered the best way to encourage dangerous behavior is to give youths delicious Four Loko to drink. Sometimes the kids will have some good clean danger fun and stage their own cock fight and sometimes they just die. According to Vegas odds makers that's called a wash. While I don't really care much if the occasional angsty teenager dies from drinking grape flavored malt beverages I do have a problem with the massive amount of fructose they put in that shit. Four Loko is good in the short term but if you drink it everyday you are crossing the line in to real danger a.k.a. fatness. How are going to outrun an angel dust crazed pimp after you cut his bottom bitch if you're carry a 20lb Four Loko spare tire around your waist?<br />
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Lets look at what makes the Four Loko so dangerous.<br />
1. Moderate alcohol content - 12% is pretty standard for a malt liquor but a lot more than most beers.<br />
2. Stimulants - Caffeine, Taurine and Guarana. Uppers and downers combined make people better.<br />
3. It's really sweet. Like Mary Poppins said, "a spoonful of sugar makes alcohol taste better"<br />
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On their own, none of these properties are all that special but in combination they form a beverage that is way too easy to drink too much of and do some crazy shit in the process.<br />
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The So Cal Four Loko (aka, making the nor cal magarita rad)<br />
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Using 1 mason jar:<br />
1. fill one quarter full with tequila. Tequila is alcohol made from a plant so it's good for you.<br />
2. Squeeze in one or two whole limes. Limes taste good and the citric acid blunts insulin response.<br />
3. Add 1 tbsp of Splenda. This stuff is not good for you but it's sweet as shit and carb free.<br />
4. Add one packet of "Extra Joss" energy drink powder. You can find this stuff at shady liquor stores, truck stops and the like. Basically, it's full of all the good stuff in Four Loko and then some. This is the secret ingredient.<br />
5. Fill to the top with soda water and ice cubes. <br />
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Enjoy!</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1830608860110009493.post-26317847259846667642011-02-03T23:34:00.000-08:002011-02-03T23:34:45.959-08:00Blades of Fury<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">Question: What is the one piece of equipment that can add multiple planes of danger to any movement (alcohol is not equipment, it is a supplement) and does not require ammunition? Give up? Rollerblades. <br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgHQZR2FvqQDIvrnUoq5ZoCJYgGqJnpBmI_6ltPJL97XJ_-6mhXT1GFC0qMCiC0Yp8H7vyyFMhMPYKhwTZu5oRoIl6Agr-z_uiF0n_FinGj4wV9X79uvC6NnHOuqiqMP1iOmsfMk8b2uLLs/s1600/Rollerblade-batman-haters-gonna-hate-1274145723o.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgHQZR2FvqQDIvrnUoq5ZoCJYgGqJnpBmI_6ltPJL97XJ_-6mhXT1GFC0qMCiC0Yp8H7vyyFMhMPYKhwTZu5oRoIl6Agr-z_uiF0n_FinGj4wV9X79uvC6NnHOuqiqMP1iOmsfMk8b2uLLs/s320/Rollerblade-batman-haters-gonna-hate-1274145723o.jpg" width="279" /></a></div><i><br />
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<i>"...talk shit about my blades one more time and I will cave your skull in with my cane you fucking commie."</i><br />
<i>- Andrew Jackson, 7th President of the United States to Richard Lawrence before beating him to death with a cane while wearing rollerblades on the senate floor.</i><br />
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It's as true today as it was in 1833, Rollerblades both invite danger and cause all movements to become much more dangerous. Double whammy. <br />
Basically, if you're wearing blades you'd better be ready to fight and for good reason, those things are fucking gay. A day spent in blades will heighten one's senses, you never know where the next rock will be thrown at your head from, you will learn to avoid large crowds and always have at least two exit routes planned out.<br />
The other side of the Rollerblade coin is of course their inherently dangerous lack of friction. A simple clean and jerk performed in blades will punish the lifter unless perfect balance is maintained. It will also add about 3" to your first pull which is nice.<br />
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Danger WOD: The Danger WOD Rollerblade Total<br />
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To score your Danger WOD rollerblade total, add the scores of all 3 events together for a total score. Score weight in kilos and height in inces. 1 inch is equal to 1kg in scoring. Scores do not count if you lose your balance or roll off the platform.<br />
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Roller Snatch 1RM<br />
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Roller Clean & Jerk 1RM<br />
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Roller Box Jump - Max Height<br />
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Roller Bonus: Score by accuracy X drinks<br />
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You will need a truck, rollerblades, semi-automatic weapon (your choice), tow rope, tequila.<br />
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Set up 6 targets, no more than the size of a soup can along the side of a road.<br />
Attach tow rope to truck.<br />
You have 10 min. to drink as many shots of tequila as possible before being towed at the speed limit of what ever road you chose behind the truck and to shoot the targets while moving. <br />
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Use strategy here, each drink and each hit target is a multiplier so it may be better to drink more and hit less or vice versa. Find your sweet spot of drunken roller shooting.<br />
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Also, thanks to those of you who sent in applications/resumes for the Danger Ops team. You are some weird/scary people and I like it. Look for a future post expanding on the Danger Ops Team.</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1830608860110009493.post-62285465425135583532011-01-27T11:10:00.000-08:002011-01-27T11:10:03.878-08:00The Century<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEggggO9LafF4w7j7YABQ8qDcwnc7ykQgE_KhykVj7-J1-GPK1qrMkc9MO9oMzTRhB8XfollQB56-psVa_qWUs9jrkU0PEUMQ0n-OJHvRb1J1gALeDqMvyT8iO-Q_twgd5gnrgutnsgFDdMg/s1600/coffee-beer-exercise-prostate-cancer.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="265" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEggggO9LafF4w7j7YABQ8qDcwnc7ykQgE_KhykVj7-J1-GPK1qrMkc9MO9oMzTRhB8XfollQB56-psVa_qWUs9jrkU0PEUMQ0n-OJHvRb1J1gALeDqMvyT8iO-Q_twgd5gnrgutnsgFDdMg/s400/coffee-beer-exercise-prostate-cancer.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br />
Recently, the University of Iowa's football team made the news when 12 of its players suffered from a nasty case of <span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: collapse; line-height: 16px;">Rhabdomyolysis</span> after a training session. For those who are not familiar with <span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: collapse; line-height: 16px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;">Rhabdomyolysis</span></span>, or "rhabdo", it is a condition where de-conditioned pussies complain a lot about sore muscles and have funny looking pee. Apparently, in their first workout back after winter break, these guys did 100 back squats for time at 240lbs (about body weight for these dudes) followed by a 100 yd sled pull. A lot of people like myself were surprised that out of 85 athletes, 12 managed to get severe cases of rhabdo in one training session. Any good danger coach would have given rhabdo to at least 50% of his athletes if not the whole team. The problem here as we often see in rhabdo cases is hydration and inflammatory diet. Very few of these players were drinking enough alcohol before or after the workout and I guarantee none of them were drinking during the workout. <br />
Lets Danger WOD this bitch by combining it with a classic college drinking game, the century. If you've never played the century game, it goes like this. Every minute for 100 minutes, you drink some beer. Some kids play with a shot, I think a better amount is 3-4 oz. of beer per minute. <br />
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<b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">"The Century"</span></b><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span">100 Rounds on the minute of body weight back squat followed by a refreshing 3oz. drink of beer. After completing all 100 rounds steal a hobo's shopping cart and push it 100 yds before dumping it into traffic, a river, off a cliff, etc. Pretty much anywhere the hobo does not want his cart to be. Mock the hobo. Now take a handful of ibuprofen, this will pretty much ensure that your kidneys fail.</span></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1830608860110009493.post-9673925009761438052011-01-26T21:34:00.000-08:002011-01-26T21:34:32.359-08:00Danger Team assemble!<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhG6pgWO2d5DqtsOQGxWhrKD7tBYovneymaSQAFHhmhrHgf_9kVfzovTSYct_nGwJg4V5HZUyWLTropay4ps23OauQ9ojOGeCFZr0dkM3oyS3avG4PrTKdG-26gEWLP7hUGblnsIxRWVv_f/s1600/Chuck_Norris_Weapon_Gray_Shirt.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhG6pgWO2d5DqtsOQGxWhrKD7tBYovneymaSQAFHhmhrHgf_9kVfzovTSYct_nGwJg4V5HZUyWLTropay4ps23OauQ9ojOGeCFZr0dkM3oyS3avG4PrTKdG-26gEWLP7hUGblnsIxRWVv_f/s320/Chuck_Norris_Weapon_Gray_Shirt.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br />
Danger WOD is assembling a Danger Ops team. This team will be the best of the worst. Responsibilities of the Danger Ops team will include being a bail buddy, assisting in exotic animal antagonization and dead hooker disposal among other other danger activities. As a member of Danger Ops you need to be ready at all times, for anything. You need to engage in danger training at least once a week to maintain a constant state of preparedness. Additionally, as a member of Team Danger Ops you will need to have a pager, side arm and ammonia caps on you at all times. We will provide a sweet T-Shirt for you. It will have a tiger on it and identify you to law enforcement as a person of interest. If you are interested in becoming a Danger Ops team member send your resume to jesse@crossfitfootball.com and may God have mercy on your soul.</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1830608860110009493.post-60921629755349917802011-01-05T01:44:00.000-08:002011-01-05T01:44:42.651-08:00Every Day Danger<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiLKywdkQ8XBcw6rEjxXjIVvdh3nazpJqOu_gsw_fgMlzofLLmeylyvLiwb1BC6Z76RP9nTIx0Zt4cS-2iAgU_-kTxmFM2zOdO8xd6DAYArVRkCAIGPDrMwvIHJVPMm4Z50SJDs7Nivuon4/s1600/Mos_bearth1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiLKywdkQ8XBcw6rEjxXjIVvdh3nazpJqOu_gsw_fgMlzofLLmeylyvLiwb1BC6Z76RP9nTIx0Zt4cS-2iAgU_-kTxmFM2zOdO8xd6DAYArVRkCAIGPDrMwvIHJVPMm4Z50SJDs7Nivuon4/s320/Mos_bearth1.jpg" width="240" /></a></div><br />
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Here at Danger WOD we hear the same thing over and over again, "I love danger training but I can't - find locally raised, grass fed hookers/have no mine shafts near me/am legally prohibited from using fire arms even when sober." All valid points. While some Danger modalities can only be trained via extreme environments, explosions and predatory animal antagonism; you can also get plenty dangerous in your own home. today I will show you how to make an ordinary Crossfit WOD super dangerous*.<br />
<br />
Deconstructing Helen: <br />
The Crossfit benchmark work out Helen typically consists of 3 rounds of a 400m run, 21 Kettlebell swings and 12 pull ups all done as quickly as possible. <br />
Normally, the first thing I would do is change the WOD name to something way cooler and more dangerous like "Hell-en" but they already did that so instead I will change the name to "Operation Ware-Hawk Rising"<br />
Step one, break down the WOD into it's base elements for danger enhancement. <br />
<b>The run</b>: Runs are easy to make dangerous, every mom in the world knows that the most dangerous thing a person can do is run... with scissors! Lets up the ante and make it electric scissors. No fuck it, we're going all the way... electric pinking shears.<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg-tLJ2QHi7OmyY-QWax8yhsMbe0G3pNXCbwmF6_cSl3RLT3DiKxFPbqCrAtY3qRgqj1xUhdNJYFTMTJGSgGLhjbYn9kv8zaa5pal5yIliHYRLsKXL2SM_T_CfEFaVK-xpvioIqP_U9ksLD/s1600/photo-rabid-raccoon.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg-tLJ2QHi7OmyY-QWax8yhsMbe0G3pNXCbwmF6_cSl3RLT3DiKxFPbqCrAtY3qRgqj1xUhdNJYFTMTJGSgGLhjbYn9kv8zaa5pal5yIliHYRLsKXL2SM_T_CfEFaVK-xpvioIqP_U9ksLD/s320/photo-rabid-raccoon.jpg" width="243" /></a></div><b>Kettlebell Swings: </b>The key here is to just sub out the kettlebell for something more dangerous without decreasing the mass of the object being swung, we still want to develop the posterior chain after all. I recommend a raccoon. Why a raccoon? Raccoons are plentiful even in urban areas, they often are rabid, even when they're not rabid they have sharp claws and teeth and desperately want to maim you (true story, after a night of drinking in downtown LA I once bent over to pet a cat. It ended up being a giant raccoon that chased me hissing for half a block). Basically, the raccoon is the poor mans wolverine. Try and find yourself a nice big one with rabies, if it weighs less than 24kg try feeding it some buck shot to add weight. Once you have properly ballasted your coon all you need to do is grab two of its legs and swing away!<br />
<b>Pull-Ups: </b>Pull-ups are easy to make dangerous, just do them off of something really high. Not good enough? Make it electrified; may I suggest power lines? Remember, just one line at a time (I think?) and avoid grounding yourself.<br />
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<b>Step 2, Wild Card!</b><br />
Regular WODs even when dangerfied are too predictable, the true hallmark of danger is unpredictability. To finish this WOD, draw a picture of the profit mohammed and post it along with your name and contact information to a public internet site such as this one. Wild Card! If you're a dick you could also just post the picture with your asshole neighbor's contact info but I'm sure none of you would do that, scout's honor!<br />
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<a href="http://zombietime.com/mohammed_image_archive/extreme_mohammed/">Mohammed Image Archive</a>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1830608860110009493.post-18598631276348847182010-12-28T23:00:00.001-08:002010-12-28T23:00:40.310-08:00Asshole WOD<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 5px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 5px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace; font-size: x-large;"><b>Krystof</b></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #003366; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgteW4GExzNDqn9MecaNqZlnkJJlK8djM0dT7ZhHlrTyY96oAVtJFENwJl95dywjP0Nn6_vsi8nXnWJH9FrO08_HWe4yEBuJjGuT5whye5_K91XbvDtj0LWIZdfqKyqr00RLYbJ5HLsLD-2/s1600/chainsaw.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="218" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgteW4GExzNDqn9MecaNqZlnkJJlK8djM0dT7ZhHlrTyY96oAVtJFENwJl95dywjP0Nn6_vsi8nXnWJH9FrO08_HWe4yEBuJjGuT5whye5_K91XbvDtj0LWIZdfqKyqr00RLYbJ5HLsLD-2/s320/chainsaw.jpg" style="cursor: move;" width="320" /></a></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 5px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 5px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #003366; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><br />
</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">Some workout sites have hero WODs, here at Danger WOD we have Asshole WODs. Workouts honoring the huge assholes also known as Danger WOD pioneers. Without their efforts, pushing the danger envelope for both themselves and innocent bystanders we would not be where we are today. Today's WOD is in honor of <span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 5px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 5px;">Krystof Azninski. As the story goes, Krystof, a Polish farmer, was doing the only thing Polish people do when not being invaded by Germany; drinking </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 5px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 5px;">copious</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 5px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 5px;"> amounts of Vodka. Naturally, after downing several bottles of the clear stuff Krystof and his buddies decided to strip naked and play "men's games" (no jokes about polish sausage fests, that would be in bad taste). The games began with the men hitting each other over the head with frozen turnips. A classic Polish parlor game. Soon, the danger ante was upped when one man used a chainsaw to cut off part of his foot. Not to be outdone, Krystof grabbed the chainsaw and cut his own head off. Krystof is now widely regarded as a Polish folk hero and is considered by </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 5px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 5px;">scholars</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 5px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 5px;"> to be among the greatest examples of Polish balls. </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 5px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 5px;">Possessing</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 5px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 5px;"> the mental fortitude to never be out done and to saw your way through your own neck are attributes that every Danger WOD </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 5px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 5px;">enthusiast</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 5px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 5px;"> should aspire to. If you're tough enough to cut your own head off with garden tools, you're tough enough to rape a grizzly bear, punch a child in the face or any of the more common everyday needs for toughness.</span></span></span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 5px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 5px;"><br />
</span></span></span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 5px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 5px;">Danger WOD Krystof: AMRAP (as many rounds as possible period before you pass out) </span></span></span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 5px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 5px;">Drink 1 bottle of vodka. Strip naked. Run outside into the snow and forage for a frozen vegetable. Run back inside and hit yourself over the head with vegetable. Amputate one of the smaller/less useful parts of your body. I do not recommend actually cutting your own head off. While it is very tough, the recovery time from decapitation is quite long and may have an overall negative effect on your training.</span></span></span></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1830608860110009493.post-31326180778144627712010-12-21T13:32:00.000-08:002010-12-21T13:32:32.203-08:00The Gift of Danger<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi-DU6d37kEdlVkGSx9rto7_nyXolAzxcnNffZz6KWKNgb6xNsfoN0Myg4OcTgiLu5puFeCrQrwCH3hvFUj6Rqd5p_NkieDE9uy4zsuH7-VQPvZdr-eWWx2k1pj7nl0tQziopFw1I1kFcbq/s1600/truckster.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi-DU6d37kEdlVkGSx9rto7_nyXolAzxcnNffZz6KWKNgb6xNsfoN0Myg4OcTgiLu5puFeCrQrwCH3hvFUj6Rqd5p_NkieDE9uy4zsuH7-VQPvZdr-eWWx2k1pj7nl0tQziopFw1I1kFcbq/s320/truckster.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>Here in Danger Town we really like the Christmas Season. People drink heavily and often, the travel from far and wide to fight with each other and it's icy in many parts of the world which ups the danger ante by around 10%. Christmas is also a time for giving, this Christmas I encourage each and everyone of you to not just endanger yourselves but your friends and family as well. Danger is the gift that keeps on being dangerous. So, in the spirit of the holidays Danger WOD is presenting you with some great ways to give beneficial danger to those you love.<br />
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<div style="text-align: center;">Danger Family WOD</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div>Pack the whole family up in the SUV, minivan, <span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 17px;">Antarctic</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333;"><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 17px;"> Blue Super Sports Wagon with C.B. and optional rally fun pack or whatever it is you drive and head for the woods under the guise of cutting down a Christmas tree. Drive for hours into the most remote area you can think of, when the pavement runs out, switch to fire roads and eventually go completely off road. As soon as you see a lake or other large body of water, step on the gas and head straight for it. Get that car way out there so you know it will sink. If you live in a really cold area you could just drive way out onto some thin ice. Everyone should be panicking by now except Grandma who may have just had a heart attack and died. Take this moment to mock the members of the family foolish enough to wear </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 17px;">seat belts</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 17px;"> as they struggle to free themselves. </span></span></span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; line-height: 17px;"> Those who survive and are able swim to shore are now better people, they have honed their ability to think clearly in a survival situation, perhaps harnessed elemental survival strength to kick out a window or pull a child free of a child seat (Danger WOD recommends never using child protection devices, coddling makes one weak). They have also used danger to increase conditioning by swimming through frozen waters fully clothed perhaps while holding a child or using a deceased elder as a flotation device.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; line-height: 17px;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 17px;">Gather the survivors near the shore and discard wet clothes, they are no good now. All cell phones, GPS and other electronics should be destroyed by water damage as well. So there you are, a family huddled together naked miles from the nearest human being. This is the time to explain that the escape from the lake was a Danger WOD warm up and shit is about to get real. Over the next several days, weeks or even months possibly, their strength, stamina, mental toughness and animal fighting abilities will be pushed to the limit. Those who survive are now some seriously tough, badasses. Those who did not will be remembered as weak and deserving of death. In the coming decades your danger enhanced breeding stock will dominate all aspects of modern life; sports, military service, survival game shows and competitive eating contests. Eventually you will unite with other Danger WOD families to form Danger Clans and you will subjugate the weak families with violent uprisings at traditional holiday block parties and barbecues. You're welcome.</span></span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1830608860110009493.post-68754136484177556922010-12-18T16:29:00.000-08:002010-12-18T16:29:32.494-08:00DRG<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjeqaqkkkx-_AP1Nyj-ai0P3E7QbBnRwvJQRFmy0XnDvda1YzFQ_N_fs9N_H7WZNU4u-qV11JFhzvTIO0v-iuKgWZ5lPGAdEl2zBAVDvYA4oza6KdS6RZyjSL5sLFrKtY0_IjfINBwbxNoN/s1600/explosion.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjeqaqkkkx-_AP1Nyj-ai0P3E7QbBnRwvJQRFmy0XnDvda1YzFQ_N_fs9N_H7WZNU4u-qV11JFhzvTIO0v-iuKgWZ5lPGAdEl2zBAVDvYA4oza6KdS6RZyjSL5sLFrKtY0_IjfINBwbxNoN/s320/explosion.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>Sorry for the lack of a post yesterday, when you live dangerously blogging occasionally falls by the wayside. Tomorrow barring arrest or extreme hangover I will have a new Christmas themed Danger WOD for you to share with the whole family. As for today, I would like to announce the formation of the DRG or Danger Retention Group. The idea of a DRG is everyone pays into it and when you get sued we will help you out... maybe. The DRG will not cover bail, injury or death. The very idea of getting out of jail or prison early goes against everything the Danger WOD strives to create. Think of incarceration as a training camp. Danger WOD DRG won't pay for medical bills either because if you go to a hospital you are a pussy. We firmly believe that any injury can be walked off. If walking it off fails and you die then there's nothing to worry about, you're dead. If you would like to help fund the DRG, send cash or gold.<br />
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<a href="http://latimesblogs.latimes.com/lanow/2010/12/carjacking-kidnapping-crime.html">Danger WOD prepares you for this. </a>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1830608860110009493.post-55870998174195513772010-12-15T23:31:00.000-08:002010-12-15T23:31:18.839-08:00Squat P.R.Let's set a squat P.R. I know this isn't as exciting as cutting hookers or as fun as getting wasted and shooting stuff but sometimes we need to do dangerous things in the gym as well. The first ingredient for danger is of course being alone. You need to know that if you fuck up no one will be there to help you. It's called self reliance people, Danger WOD will teach it to you. Second ingredient, get naked. If you're naked you will be less likely to give up and die, no one wants their naked corpse to be found in a compromising position, just ask David Carradine. Third, commitment. In what will now be known as the Danger WOD commitment grip (not to be confused with the promise cock ring), hands should be chained or handcuffed to the bar. For back squats you will also want your neck securely fastened. Now, for your P.R. your going to want to make a big jump. You know those moms who are always lifting trucks off pinned babies? They didn't start out with gay little three wheeled european trucks and micro load the bumpers in a periodized progression, no, they just sacked up and lifted three tons of American steel off an infant. I recommend at least a 100lb jump.<br />
So, get naked, chain yourself to the bar and walk it out. Now squat. This should be the easy part, gravity is your friend. Getting up may be another story. If you find yourself pinned, begin hyperventilating and crying. This will trigger your body's survival powers and you will gather super human strength and explode up in a moment of glory! If it doesn't, you are weak and will eventually die of suffocation because because your lungs will not expand properly under all that weight. Fuck you weakling, Darwin wins again!Unknownnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1830608860110009493.post-29358587340151768962010-12-15T00:27:00.000-08:002010-12-15T00:27:30.924-08:00Danger in the Night<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiQQpBlhsFBdcEjfCHOae_HYmiNxeh0dIyEBCfi1uHgpCRyorp31JfPG-5rawIwg7flx5XZ1gOWDAonpuhvvOek92D5Q1HiSftDpddmu1FN71jW4Hfo0IBSqtkUgs6tUgWzymDvCARJNu3Y/s1600/prostituteUNP0512_468x312.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiQQpBlhsFBdcEjfCHOae_HYmiNxeh0dIyEBCfi1uHgpCRyorp31JfPG-5rawIwg7flx5XZ1gOWDAonpuhvvOek92D5Q1HiSftDpddmu1FN71jW4Hfo0IBSqtkUgs6tUgWzymDvCARJNu3Y/s320/prostituteUNP0512_468x312.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>As we all know, Hooker Stalking was originally the sport of royalty. Dating back to the 9th century, Charles I was the first recorded King to stalk a hooker for sport. He reportedly would track prostitues for days at a time, cloaked in the finest camouflage of the day; layers upon layers of pig feces. On the rare occasion Charles I would successfully corner a hooker isolated from her pimp (it is extraordinarily difficult to sneak up on anyone with a sense of smell when you're covered head to toe in pig shit), he would cut off one of the smaller fingers to keep as a souvenir and run off. <br />
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From these humble beginnings, the modern sport of hooker stalking was born. Today's top professional hooker stalkers wear high tech urban camo covered in sponsor patches, disguise their scents with copious amounts of axe body spray, wear night vision goggles and of course, super technical compression undergarments. Modern hooker stalking has also done away with the barbaric practice of finger taking. The current sporting standard is to merely collect a small blood sample from a slice to either the cheek, breast or upper thigh area before running away.<br />
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Danger WOD: Stalk a Hooker. You must be stealthy to track her (or him, danger WOD does not judge), strong to collect your blood trophy and swift to out run her seriously pissed off pimp. 5 Burpee penalty if you are shot by the pimp.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1830608860110009493.post-89668439313214128852010-12-13T23:38:00.000-08:002010-12-13T23:38:48.224-08:00Guns n' Booze<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjXF93dIw5VAxS_yzdxizw10SiuEp9e2ATNmQU-Wjhe7BA34SSAIkQ8bPLXp6mqapw0xQSbfLXc_CcHFV0cNpFX5V8GA_zfoSrCHmxBQRXOjGgfxtS8Vli4KFop-ehyphenhyphensZ7XqJm4jf2zSAJW/s1600/cowboys.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjXF93dIw5VAxS_yzdxizw10SiuEp9e2ATNmQU-Wjhe7BA34SSAIkQ8bPLXp6mqapw0xQSbfLXc_CcHFV0cNpFX5V8GA_zfoSrCHmxBQRXOjGgfxtS8Vli4KFop-ehyphenhyphensZ7XqJm4jf2zSAJW/s320/cowboys.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>Lets face facts, for the vast majority of us we are much more likely to shoot things when we're drunk. Instead of fearing drunken marksmanship we should practice it.<br />
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Danger WOD #4 "Shotgun Shotgun"<br />
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For this WOD you will need a knife, a pump action shotgun, shells and a 30 pack of low quality beer. Perform 30 Rounds for time of shotgun a beer then throw the used can into the air and shoot it. Every missed shot is a 5 burpee penalty. Bonus points are awarded for performing this WOD in an urban area. If you can get through all 30 beers before police arrive well done. Don't worry about what's down range, halfway through this WOD you will probably be firing wildly in all directions anyways, plus it's a shotgun so it's probably all good.<br />
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Attention serious rednecks, I realize that for you this WOD is basically how you spend most afternoons. To increase the danger factor I recommend that A) you wear an eyepatch. This won't really make it that much harder but they look super cool. B) Do this as a team and take turns being the thrower. C) everyone wears roller blades.<br />
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Are you still worried about China? <br />
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Finally, good ideas in the comments, keep em' coming!Unknownnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1830608860110009493.post-6037285951181808352010-12-12T21:51:00.000-08:002010-12-12T21:51:35.995-08:00M.O.D.<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgBOlVs3y79JT_GNE6FI6rgdBgKC3Ssr91OPNE4rDWNAp6hU3YUxrfshDsUnqhqxoze7zvdLw5Dt2RrpJnEFMco3xSsuWg4RGMD1xs1pFIh7c3Z02XMlwkq8cpWk1bPp1kc1aRzGCqzCj3N/s1600/danger_WOD_.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="265" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgBOlVs3y79JT_GNE6FI6rgdBgKC3Ssr91OPNE4rDWNAp6hU3YUxrfshDsUnqhqxoze7zvdLw5Dt2RrpJnEFMco3xSsuWg4RGMD1xs1pFIh7c3Z02XMlwkq8cpWk1bPp1kc1aRzGCqzCj3N/s400/danger_WOD_.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br />
Today is the first danger rest day. When engaging in danger rest one should limit physical exertion but continue to make poor decisions. With danger comes a heightened sense of awareness, to relax even while resting is a potentially fatal error. You must train your body to always be in the zone; have you ever seen movies where the badass protagonist gets woken up by bad guys and they think "All right, we totally got this dude!" and it turns out that the guy totally heard them coming and had a .44 mag with the hammer pulled back pointed right at the bad guys' balls the whole time? That's where you need to be, regularly following the Danger WOD will get you there. This brings me to something I like to call M.O.D. Margin Of Danger. Basically some people are born to live dangerously. They don't need danger training, danger finds them and by virtue of the fact that they are still alive they are pretty good at handling it. Other people live relatively safe lives, typically, when making decisions they choose well. When confronted with true danger however they're in trouble, they panic. Guess what, when the shit hits the fan in a couple years and roving bands of post apocalyptic cannibals force you into a pit fight to the death with a puma you're going to be fucked if you can't keep your shit together. So back to M.O.D., by living in a constant state of danger the average person can reduce the gap or margin between themselves and the naturally danger inclined. Ways for the average person to reduce his M.O.D. would be to make a concerted effort to make at least one or two really bad decisions per day.<br />
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Good examples of Danger Rest Day Bad Decisions:<br />
1: Give yourself a "prison style" tattoo<br />
2: <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ferret_legging">Ferret Legging</a><br />
3: Drive to Mexico<br />
4: Play with fire<br />
5: "<a href="http://deadspin.com/5658206/brett-favres-cellphone-seduction-of-jenn-sterger">Favre</a>" your entire email contacts list. By this I of course mean create a fake email account, import all your contacts and then email a picture of your dick to everyone you know. See if anyone can "name that dick".<br />
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P.S. Congratulations to the guy who actually did Danger WOD #1Unknownnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1830608860110009493.post-20961622584126119722010-12-10T20:06:00.000-08:002010-12-10T20:06:31.773-08:00The Unknown and the Unknowable<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhyHkycJyddzoxgVrN97DOt8vZaBugUylrKQ8SeRvM5qffaH5blSh_kXxiExTGVQUEsRXiox2rgQSfk8HffoXDn2tYHcdbMh2eSmtc9kqOS3YfPYeR6B-aMF2Enxj390-5bvqEi7nQcJmKu/s1600/baby+gorilla.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="275" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhyHkycJyddzoxgVrN97DOt8vZaBugUylrKQ8SeRvM5qffaH5blSh_kXxiExTGVQUEsRXiox2rgQSfk8HffoXDn2tYHcdbMh2eSmtc9kqOS3YfPYeR6B-aMF2Enxj390-5bvqEi7nQcJmKu/s400/baby+gorilla.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br />
There are some training programs out there which I won't name such as Crossfit which claim to prepare you for the unknown and unknowable. That's bullshit, their WODs have never included a live animal, poison or any of the dramatic arts. With Danger WOD we prepare for the unknown and unknowable by constantly having no idea what we are doing. Today's WOD is multiple choice, pick one and go with it. Will it help you become more fit? Maybe. I pretty much guarantee that every WOD will make you stronger in the sense of "that which does not kill you makes you stronger" school of thought and at the very least will be a pretty good story to tell your illegitimate children when they visit you in prison.<br />
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Option A) Hunt and Kill Osama Bin Laden with a knife. <br />
For this WOD you will need a knife and <a href="http://www.emirates.com/us/english/index.aspx?cid=GoogleSEM07USA95848&pkw=yes">Airfare to Pakistan</a>. If you don't already have a beard you should grown one, this will help you blend in. Alternatively, if you think just flying to Pakistan and knifing O.B.L. is a bit far fetched you could instead fly to Somalia. Once there join a gang of pirates, become their leader and convince them that teaming up to kill O.B.L. would earn them more money than kidnapping cruise ships and that it would also make them much less likely to be shot in the head by a SEAL team.<br />
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Option B) Steal a baby gorilla. I have no idea how this will end up, truly unknown and unknowable. If you have incredible master thief skills maybe you can just purloin a baby gorilla and no one will know until it's too late. You could raise it as your own and improve your strength by wrestling with it every day. that way, by the time it was an adult you would be adapted to wrestling a full grown gorilla. I think the more likely scenario is that at the very least you would need to wrestle the gorilla's mom and probably fight some kind of zoo security guard as well. Again, who knows what kind of training stimulus this will create, it could be intense man to gorilla fighting for five minutes or it could be an hour long footrace while carrying a baby gorilla. That is the genius of Danger WOD. If you are looking for a baby gorilla I recommend checking the London Zoo. They definitely have one and it is adorable.<br />
<a href="http://www.newscientist.com/blogs/nstv/2010/10/everyones-going-bananas-over-baby-gorilla.html">Baby Gorilla</a><br />
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Option C) Stab a hobo for time.<br />
? I dunno, seems like a good idea.<br />
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Option D) Post your own idea for a Danger WOD to the comments. Send pics/mug shots.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1830608860110009493.post-63148217326582370332010-12-09T12:59:00.000-08:002010-12-09T12:59:34.123-08:00Work Capacity<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi_ypd6i-SIsXCGbk0i4GcxvEAxPCFr6Vktl0bkWTpOxc8Ak2HI97MuHXIUSWO800KV93OBrPY8mUv-0sxdEMIUXAO3OtvHlPAHbKtUTpy2QaofQGPhPjd5Sa48Ex9-wTbk2rH8PF_J7xyx/s1600/mine+collapse.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="268" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi_ypd6i-SIsXCGbk0i4GcxvEAxPCFr6Vktl0bkWTpOxc8Ak2HI97MuHXIUSWO800KV93OBrPY8mUv-0sxdEMIUXAO3OtvHlPAHbKtUTpy2QaofQGPhPjd5Sa48Ex9-wTbk2rH8PF_J7xyx/s400/mine+collapse.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br />
Yesterday we explored how danger can push us to max efforts in a small burst. Today we will look at how work capacity and danger go hand in hand. Work capacity in simple terms is how much sustained work can you do over a given period of time. The longer the time, the less work output for most people. A power lifter can exert a tremendous amount of power but on for a very short time while a marathon runner has a relatively low power output but can sustain it for a very long time. Danger WOD will teach you how to sustain a weightlifter's high power output over a marathon time frame by harnessing the extreme power of the human survival instinct. <br />
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Danger WOD #2: "The Chilean Mining Disaster"<br />
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For this WOD you will need a 12lb sledge hammer and the ability to locate an old mine shaft. When selecting your mine shaft try and locate one as remote as possible. Many old USGS topographical maps have abandoned mine shafts marked. This is an excellent resource, use it. If you pick a mine shaft too close to civilization you run the risk of being discovered and potentially rescued before your training session is complete. <br />
Ok, so you're at the opening of the mine located somewhere in the mountains with your sledge hammer. Enter the mine and just start whacking away at anything that looks supportive or load bearing. Why not just use dynamite? Because then you wouldn't get A) a really good warm up and B) the satisfaction of collapsing a mine the old fashioned way. <br />
Soon enough, you should have weakened the structural integrity of the mine to the point where it has collapsed. At this point there will be no light, hazardous debris in the air (if there is any air, you might just get buried) and poisonous methane gas may be starting to accumulate. If you are not dead, this is the time to start the workout. One boulder at a time dig yourself out of the mine. Remember, air will run out and there's a chance the gasses will kill you before even that happens so work fast! When you emerge you will have the exact same work capacity as an industrial grade mining operation. Awesome.<br />
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A quick note on nutrition and supplements. Danger WOD is not about preparing for the unknown and unknowable, it is about throwing yourself headfirst into some life or death shit. when your life is on the immediate line, long term health, the law and just about everything else goes out the window. For this reason we recommend high doses of every performance enhancing drug. To survive and thrive using the Danger WOD training method you should be at a MINIMUM using 3 types of anabolic steroids, HGH, EPO, blood doping, military grade amphetamines, insulin shots, epinephrin shots and free base cocaine. Sleep or 24 hour recovery commas as we call them should be enhanced with heavy doses of GHB. As far as day to day meals are concerned, eat as much as possible of everything. If you stop eating, the terrorists win. The only beverage suitable for danger training is 4 Loko.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1830608860110009493.post-1684833325289277342010-12-08T13:02:00.000-08:002010-12-08T13:08:09.041-08:00Welcome to Danger Town, population you!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh2JuVqBVkDz5Z1xLvfmujhXYeLHKC_L9MM7GJznK_6WC34fexfKuGYYCPs7iZ1rSsFMNxJpf4LLSB0ohyphenhyphenKXDyw4hpLg4VlLaaeUdJGm7sIeWgwmX2yBJYMDxmCAQx3VaaXnx_Q03cdsQ8i/s1600/locomotive.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="325" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh2JuVqBVkDz5Z1xLvfmujhXYeLHKC_L9MM7GJznK_6WC34fexfKuGYYCPs7iZ1rSsFMNxJpf4LLSB0ohyphenhyphenKXDyw4hpLg4VlLaaeUdJGm7sIeWgwmX2yBJYMDxmCAQx3VaaXnx_Q03cdsQ8i/s400/locomotive.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br />
Welcome to the 11th domain of fitness, danger. In my experience, adding risk is hands down the best way to increase the intensity of a workout. When broken bones, chemical burns, jail time and/or death are possibilities, one becomes much more motivated. The danger WOD is not for everyone, in fact, it should not be used by anyone. Following the danger WOD is a terrible idea. I promise that you will severely injure yourself at the very least. Following the Danger WOD is probably the best way to become a Darwin award nominee.<br />
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So lets talk about danger, when you place your body in grave peril you turn on the body's fight or flight mechanism. In one instant you will make the decision to stand your ground and meet a challenge head on or you will turn tail and run like you've never run before. Both of these make for great training intensity. Have you ever heard of moms developing superhuman strength when their children are in danger? Danger WOD will teach you unleash your inner superhuman by placing actual children in danger! Enough chit chat, let's get started with your first Danger WOD!<br />
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Danger WOD #1 Deadlift PR<br />
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One critique of the deadlift when compared to the back squat is that little commitment is required. You can just let go o the bar at any point and give up on a lift. Danger WOD has solved this problem.<br />
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For today's Danger WOD, bring a two sets of handcuffs, a bar and plates to a railroad track at least 2 miles from the nearest oficial railroad crossing. You will want your train moving at full speed for maximum training stimulus. Your lifting platform will be a railroad tie. Set up the bar and plates across the railroad tracks. Load up a new P.R. weight and slap the collars on good and tight. Now, handcuff both hands to the bar but not before throwing the keys in a ditch. You should have warmed up as well, this is a P.R. after all. Now, Wait until you see a train coming down the line. This is your que to initiate the lift. Good luck! If you make the lift check back tomorrow for another awesome Danger WOD!Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2