Thursday, January 27, 2011

The Century

Recently, the University of Iowa's football team made the news when 12 of its players suffered from a nasty case of Rhabdomyolysis after a training session.   For those who are not familiar with Rhabdomyolysis, or "rhabdo", it is a condition where de-conditioned pussies complain a lot about sore muscles and have funny looking pee.  Apparently, in their first workout back after winter break, these guys did 100 back squats for time at 240lbs (about body weight for these dudes) followed by a 100 yd sled pull.  A lot of people like myself were surprised that out of 85 athletes, 12 managed to get severe cases of rhabdo in one training session.  Any good danger coach would have given rhabdo to at least 50% of his athletes if not the whole team.  The problem here as we often see in rhabdo cases is hydration and inflammatory diet.  Very few of these players were drinking enough alcohol before or after the workout and I guarantee none of them were drinking during the workout.
Lets Danger WOD this bitch by combining it with a classic college drinking game, the century.  If you've never played the century game, it goes like this.  Every minute for 100 minutes, you drink some beer.  Some kids play with a shot, I think a better amount is 3-4 oz. of beer per minute.

"The Century"
100 Rounds on the minute of body weight back squat followed by a refreshing 3oz. drink of beer.  After completing all 100 rounds steal a hobo's shopping cart and push it 100 yds before dumping it into traffic, a river, off a cliff, etc.  Pretty much anywhere the hobo does not want his cart to be.  Mock the hobo.  Now take a handful of ibuprofen, this will pretty much ensure that your kidneys fail.

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Danger Team assemble!

Danger WOD is assembling a Danger Ops team.  This team will be the best of the worst.  Responsibilities of the Danger Ops team will include being a bail buddy, assisting in exotic animal antagonization and dead hooker disposal among other other danger activities.  As a member of Danger Ops you need to be ready at all times, for anything.  You need to engage in danger training at least once a week to maintain a constant state of preparedness.  Additionally, as a member of Team Danger Ops you will need to have a pager, side arm and ammonia caps on you at all times.  We will provide a sweet T-Shirt for you.  It will have a tiger on it and identify you to law enforcement as a person of interest.  If you are interested in becoming a Danger Ops team member send your resume to and may God have mercy on your soul.

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Every Day Danger

Here at Danger WOD we hear the same thing over and over again, "I love danger training but I can't - find locally raised, grass fed hookers/have no mine shafts near me/am legally prohibited from using fire arms even when sober."  All valid points.  While some Danger modalities can only be trained via extreme environments, explosions and predatory animal antagonism; you can also get plenty dangerous in your own home.  today I will show you how to make an ordinary Crossfit WOD super dangerous*.

Deconstructing Helen:
The Crossfit benchmark work out Helen typically consists of 3 rounds of a 400m run, 21 Kettlebell swings and 12 pull ups all done as quickly as possible.
Normally, the first thing I would do is change the WOD name to something way cooler and more dangerous like "Hell-en" but they already did that so instead I will change the name to "Operation Ware-Hawk Rising"
Step one, break down the WOD into it's base elements for danger enhancement.
The run:  Runs are easy to make dangerous, every mom in the world knows that the most dangerous thing a person can do is run... with scissors!  Lets up the ante and make it electric scissors.  No fuck it, we're going all the way... electric pinking shears.
Kettlebell Swings: The key here is to just sub out the kettlebell for something more dangerous without decreasing the mass of the object being swung, we still want to develop the posterior chain after all.  I recommend a raccoon.  Why a raccoon?  Raccoons are plentiful even in urban areas, they often are rabid, even when they're not rabid they have sharp claws and teeth and desperately want to maim you (true story, after a night of drinking in downtown LA I once bent over to pet a cat.  It ended up being a giant raccoon that chased me hissing for half a block).  Basically, the raccoon is the poor mans wolverine.  Try and find yourself a nice big one with rabies, if it weighs less than 24kg try feeding it some buck shot to add weight.  Once you have properly ballasted your coon all you need to do is grab two of its legs and swing away!
Pull-Ups:  Pull-ups are easy to make dangerous, just do them off of something really high.  Not good enough?  Make it electrified; may I suggest power lines?  Remember, just one line at a time (I think?) and avoid grounding yourself.

Step 2, Wild Card!
Regular WODs even when dangerfied are too predictable, the true hallmark of danger is unpredictability.    To finish this WOD, draw a picture of the profit mohammed and post it along with your name and contact information to a public internet site such as this one.  Wild Card!  If you're a dick you could also just post the picture with your asshole neighbor's contact info but I'm sure none of you would do that, scout's honor!

Mohammed Image Archive