Here in Danger Town we really like the Christmas Season. People drink heavily and often, the travel from far and wide to fight with each other and it's icy in many parts of the world which ups the danger ante by around 10%. Christmas is also a time for giving, this Christmas I encourage each and everyone of you to not just endanger yourselves but your friends and family as well. Danger is the gift that keeps on being dangerous. So, in the spirit of the holidays Danger WOD is presenting you with some great ways to give beneficial danger to those you love.
Danger Family WOD
Pack the whole family up in the SUV, minivan,
Antarctic Blue Super Sports Wagon with C.B. and optional rally fun pack or whatever it is you drive and head for the woods under the guise of cutting down a Christmas tree. Drive for hours into the most remote area you can think of, when the pavement runs out, switch to fire roads and eventually go completely off road. As soon as you see a lake or other large body of water, step on the gas and head straight for it. Get that car way out there so you know it will sink. If you live in a really cold area you could just drive way out onto some thin ice. Everyone should be panicking by now except Grandma who may have just had a heart attack and died. Take this moment to mock the members of the family foolish enough to wear seat belts as they struggle to free themselves. Those who survive and are able swim to shore are now better people, they have honed their ability to think clearly in a survival situation, perhaps harnessed elemental survival strength to kick out a window or pull a child free of a child seat (Danger WOD recommends never using child protection devices, coddling makes one weak). They have also used danger to increase conditioning by swimming through frozen waters fully clothed perhaps while holding a child or using a deceased elder as a flotation device.
Gather the survivors near the shore and discard wet clothes, they are no good now. All cell phones, GPS and other electronics should be destroyed by water damage as well. So there you are, a family huddled together naked miles from the nearest human being. This is the time to explain that the escape from the lake was a Danger WOD warm up and shit is about to get real. Over the next several days, weeks or even months possibly, their strength, stamina, mental toughness and animal fighting abilities will be pushed to the limit. Those who survive are now some seriously tough, badasses. Those who did not will be remembered as weak and deserving of death. In the coming decades your danger enhanced breeding stock will dominate all aspects of modern life; sports, military service, survival game shows and competitive eating contests. Eventually you will unite with other Danger WOD families to form Danger Clans and you will subjugate the weak families with violent uprisings at traditional holiday block parties and barbecues. You're welcome.
I just completed this wod....how am i posting you ask??? I came prepared, ziplock baggie for the iphone. We are 2 days and 12 hours in 3 out of 6 survivors. So far have only come across on other family...we ate them...I have now developed a craving for human flesh which will be very hard when it comes time to pro-create with the next family we come across...until next time live dangerously my friends.
ReplyDeleteP.S. the tomahawk is a solid item to have if you are attempting this wod
ReplyDeleteFor the DangerWODers of us that aren't paupers, I would suggest just crash landing your plane into a frozen lake. It's less hassle, there is no chance of following your tracks out (equivalent of subbing 2 single-unders for ever double-under), and less time of your family to nag you about why you are driving them into a lake.
ReplyDeleteAlso as far as procreation goes, you'll find more consensual luck with a story of being a hero after your right engine went up in flames, rather than claiming to weeding out your weak with a tundra WOD.