Friday, December 10, 2010
The Unknown and the Unknowable
There are some training programs out there which I won't name such as Crossfit which claim to prepare you for the unknown and unknowable. That's bullshit, their WODs have never included a live animal, poison or any of the dramatic arts. With Danger WOD we prepare for the unknown and unknowable by constantly having no idea what we are doing. Today's WOD is multiple choice, pick one and go with it. Will it help you become more fit? Maybe. I pretty much guarantee that every WOD will make you stronger in the sense of "that which does not kill you makes you stronger" school of thought and at the very least will be a pretty good story to tell your illegitimate children when they visit you in prison.
Option A) Hunt and Kill Osama Bin Laden with a knife.
For this WOD you will need a knife and Airfare to Pakistan. If you don't already have a beard you should grown one, this will help you blend in. Alternatively, if you think just flying to Pakistan and knifing O.B.L. is a bit far fetched you could instead fly to Somalia. Once there join a gang of pirates, become their leader and convince them that teaming up to kill O.B.L. would earn them more money than kidnapping cruise ships and that it would also make them much less likely to be shot in the head by a SEAL team.
Option B) Steal a baby gorilla. I have no idea how this will end up, truly unknown and unknowable. If you have incredible master thief skills maybe you can just purloin a baby gorilla and no one will know until it's too late. You could raise it as your own and improve your strength by wrestling with it every day. that way, by the time it was an adult you would be adapted to wrestling a full grown gorilla. I think the more likely scenario is that at the very least you would need to wrestle the gorilla's mom and probably fight some kind of zoo security guard as well. Again, who knows what kind of training stimulus this will create, it could be intense man to gorilla fighting for five minutes or it could be an hour long footrace while carrying a baby gorilla. That is the genius of Danger WOD. If you are looking for a baby gorilla I recommend checking the London Zoo. They definitely have one and it is adorable.
Option C) Stab a hobo for time.
? I dunno, seems like a good idea.
Option D) Post your own idea for a Danger WOD to the comments. Send pics/mug shots.