Squat P.R.

Let's set a squat P.R.  I know this isn't as exciting as cutting hookers or as fun as getting wasted and shooting stuff but sometimes we need to do dangerous things in the gym as well.  The first ingredient for danger is of course being alone.  You need to know that if you fuck up no one will be there to help you.  It's called self reliance people, Danger WOD will teach it to you.  Second ingredient, get naked.  If you're naked you will be less likely to give up and die, no one wants their naked corpse to be found in a compromising position, just ask David Carradine. Third, commitment.  In what will now be known as the Danger WOD commitment grip (not to be confused with the promise cock ring), hands should be chained or handcuffed to the bar.  For back squats you will also want your neck securely fastened.  Now, for your P.R. your going to want to make a big jump.  You know those moms who are always lifting trucks off pinned babies?  They didn't start out with gay little three wheeled european trucks and micro load the bumpers in a periodized progression, no, they just sacked up and lifted three tons of American steel off an infant.  I recommend at least a 100lb jump.
So, get naked, chain yourself to the bar and walk it out. Now squat.  This should be the easy part, gravity is your friend.  Getting up may be another story.  If you find yourself pinned, begin hyperventilating and crying.  This will trigger your body's survival powers and you will gather super human strength and explode up in a moment of glory!  If it doesn't, you are weak and will eventually die of suffocation because because your lungs will not expand properly under all that weight.   Fuck you weakling, Darwin wins again!